How Not To F*ck Up Your Life – One Week at a Time (December 27, 2022)

Posted by: Dr. Justin D'Arienzo, Psy.D., ABPP

How Not To F*ck Up Your Life – One Week at a Time

Psychologist of TikTok and Instagram


December 27, 2022

If you feel like you or your partner may be suffering from relationship OCD, call D’Arienzo Psychology at (904) 379-8094 to get the help you need today!

Does your partner obsessively distrust or critique you? They may suffer from ROCD, Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It’s a form of OCD primarily concerned with fears and doubts about your relationship. Most often I see it when there is obsessive distrust or focus on their partner’s past relationships leading to obsessive interrogations that sometimes lead to violence but those with ROCD also obsess about your physical features or personality attributes. You may hear things like you’re nose is too big, you’re overweight or I can’t trust you. They manage these obsessions by excessive monitoring of you, obsessively checking their own feelings to determine if the relationship feels right, comparing their relationship to other ones, seeking reassurance from others that they should stay with you, testing their partners, or attempting to correct their partner through criticism and control. Men and women both suffer from it and it’s unrelated to relationship strength. When this type of OCD becomes time-consuming or distressing, you need to seek professional help from a psychologist. In severe cases, medication may be warranted.

Be bold & speak up!!!

Sharing phone access is not a big deal in a trusting relationship!

The word “gaslight” is thrown around a lot now-a-days and it’s important to be able to recognize what it truly is & how to deal with it. 

Here’s a couple ways to communicate with a gaslighter and regain your confidence:

  1. Identify if they really are a gaslighter. Remember – it’s not just about lying. It’s someone who intentionally manipulates you by denying the truth.
  2. If you feel like you’re being gaslit, take some space to calm your nerves and collect your thoughts.
  3. Document the evidence. That could be screenshotting text messages or taking pictures of damaged property.
  4. Confront their behavior without getting upset. Gaslighters tend to stop if they no longer fluster you with their criticisms, denial and backhanded compliments. You’ve probably heard this before with bullies. Talk to them calmy & matter-of-factly and use the proof if necessary.
  5. Remain confident in what you know. Refuse to argue or negotiate.
  6. This might be the most important. Take care of yourself and improve your self-confidence. Don’t rely on them for your sanity.
  7. Share what’s happening with friends and family. You need insight and support from others.
  8. Seek professional psychological support.
  9. If it’s abusive, leave the relationship.

Be bold & regain your confidence from a gaslighter!

Be bold & try to stop using absolutes like “never” & “always” during an argument!!!

Your partner may be a gaslighter if this is happening to you!

I know it’s always hard to see it when you’re in it. Save this video to look back at when you’re feeling confused or lost.

A follower asked me this week to define what is a toxic relationship, well here it is. A relationship is toxic when your psychological or physical wellbeing is threatened. First what may be toxic for one couple, if paired with someone else, the relationship may not be toxic. And it all depends upon the psychology of each person, their compatibility, and the situation.

Examples: When at least one person hits you, tells you you’re stupid or worthless, won’t let you break up with them, says you are the problem in the relationship when it’s them, lies to you, and makes you do things with other people you don’t want to do.

It causes major emotional peaks and valleys. You feel helpless, your self-esteem is low, your friends don’t recognize who you are, you can’t voice your opinion, you’re confused or angry, you feel guilty when you are away from them, and you’re clingy when you are not a dependent person.

Be bold, the first step is recognizing that it’s toxic, and most often when it’s toxic, it’s time to go.

Follow me on Tiktok @dr.justindarienzo for daily relationship & mental health advice or on Instagram.


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Dr. Justin D’Arienzo (@dr.justindarienzo) • Instagram photos and videos