How can parents help children become more confident, resilient, and willing to persevere when life becomes difficult? That was the focus of a parent education seminar presented by Dr. Justin D’Arienzo, Psy.D., ABPP at San Jose Episcopal Day School in Jacksonville, Florida.
On October 4, 2016, Dr. D’Arienzo presented “The Science Behind Building Strong, Confident, and Resilient Children: The Truth About Grit” for the school’s Parent Association Annual Seminar.
We have included the original presentation and a grit assessment resource for parents, educators, psychologists, and others interested in helping children develop perseverance, resilience, confidence, and healthier responses to setbacks.
Building Strong, Confident, and Resilient Children
Children inevitably experience disappointment, frustration, failure, difficult schoolwork, interpersonal problems, competition, and situations that do not turn out the way they hoped.
Resilience does not mean protecting children from every difficult experience. It involves helping children develop the psychological skills to cope with challenges, recover from setbacks, solve problems, regulate emotions, and continue working toward meaningful goals.
Parents can support these skills by creating environments that combine encouragement and emotional support with appropriate expectations, responsibility, opportunities for independence, and the freedom to make manageable mistakes.
What Is Grit in Psychology?
Psychologist Angela Duckworth and colleagues introduced grit as a psychological construct involving passion and perseverance toward long-term goals.
Early research examined whether perseverance and sustained effort could help explain why some individuals continue working toward difficult goals despite setbacks or obstacles.
The concept became especially influential in discussions of education, achievement, motivation, and child development.
You can learn more about Angela Duckworth’s research on grit through the American Psychological Association.
Is Grit the Same as Resilience?
No. Although the concepts overlap, grit and resilience are not exactly the same thing.
Grit generally refers to sustained perseverance and commitment toward longer-term goals. Resilience refers more broadly to adapting to adversity, recovering after setbacks, and continuing to function effectively despite difficult experiences.
A child may demonstrate resilience by recovering after a disappointment, while grit may be reflected in continuing to practice, study, train, or work toward a goal over an extended period of time.
What Does Current Research Say About Grit?
Research on grit has continued to develop since this seminar was originally presented in 2016. Grit remains an important concept in the psychology of perseverance and achievement, but it should not be viewed as the single characteristic that determines whether a child will succeed.
Later research has emphasized that different characteristics can predict different outcomes. Ability, conscientiousness, self-control, motivation, opportunity, social support, environment, and other factors may all contribute to performance and long-term achievement.
For parents, the practical lesson is not that children simply need to “try harder.” A healthier approach is to help children develop a combination of perseverance, emotional regulation, realistic confidence, problem-solving ability, healthy motivation, and the capacity to recover when things go wrong.
How Parents Can Help Children Develop Resilience
There is no single parenting technique that creates a resilient child. Parents can, however, provide repeated opportunities for children to develop coping and problem-solving skills.
Helpful parenting approaches may include:
- Allowing children to experience manageable frustration. Not every obstacle needs to be immediately removed.
- Encouraging effort and effective strategies. Help children recognize the connection between preparation, practice, persistence, and improvement.
- Normalizing mistakes. Failure can provide useful information about what needs to change.
- Teaching problem-solving. Instead of immediately fixing a problem, ask children what options they think are available.
- Helping children regulate emotions. Frustration and disappointment are easier to manage when children can identify and express what they are feeling.
- Maintaining realistic expectations. Confidence develops through genuine mastery, not simply through repeated praise.
- Encouraging responsibility. Age-appropriate responsibilities help children experience competence and independence.
- Modeling resilience. Children observe how adults respond to stress, mistakes, disappointment, and uncertainty.
Confidence Is Built Through Competence
Parents naturally want their children to feel confident. Sustainable confidence, however, often develops when children experience themselves becoming capable.
A child who struggles with something, practices, improves, and eventually succeeds learns something powerful:
“I can handle difficult things.”
This is different from simply telling a child that everything they do is excellent. Encouragement matters, but confidence can become stronger when praise is paired with opportunities to develop real skills, tolerate frustration, and experience genuine accomplishment.
Should Parents Let Children Fail?
Parents do not need to manufacture failure or withhold appropriate help. At the same time, eliminating every disappointment can deprive children of opportunities to learn that setbacks are survivable.
When the consequences are safe and developmentally appropriate, parents can sometimes allow children to experience the natural results of mistakes and then help them think through what happened:
- What went wrong?
- What did you learn?
- What could you do differently next time?
- What part of the situation can you control?
- What is your next step?
These conversations can shift the focus from avoiding failure to learning how to respond effectively when failure occurs.
Parent Seminar: The Science Behind Building Strong, Confident, and Resilient Children
Presentation: The Science Behind Building Strong, Confident, and Resilient Children: The Truth About Grit
Presenter: Dr. Justin D’Arienzo, Psy.D., ABPP
Event: Parent Association Annual Seminar
Location: San Jose Episcopal Day School, Jacksonville, Florida
Date: October 4, 2016
The original presentation is available below for parents, educators, and professionals interested in the material.
Download the Resilience and Grit Presentation
12-Item Grit Scale
The 12-Item Grit Scale was developed from the work of psychologist Angela Duckworth and colleagues to assess perseverance and consistency of interest in pursuing long-term goals.
The scale is provided here as an educational resource. It should not be interpreted as a comprehensive psychological evaluation of a child or adult, and a grit score should not be treated as a stand-alone measure of psychological health, future success, or parenting effectiveness.
Grit Scale attribution: Duckworth, A. L., Peterson, C., Matthews, M. D., & Kelly, D. R. (2007). Grit: Perseverance and passion for long-term goals. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 92(6), 1087–1101.
Using These Parenting and Resilience Resources
You are welcome to use Dr. D’Arienzo’s presentation materials for educational purposes where appropriate. If you reproduce or incorporate Dr. D’Arienzo’s original presentation material into a seminar, training program, educational resource, or other presentation, please provide appropriate attribution to Dr. Justin D’Arienzo and D’Arienzo Psychology.
The separately provided Grit Scale should be attributed to its original authors, Angela Duckworth and colleagues.
About Dr. Justin D’Arienzo
Dr. Justin D’Arienzo, Psy.D., ABPP is a board-certified clinical psychologist and former active-duty U.S. Navy psychologist with more than two decades of experience in psychological assessment, education, and consultation.
His professional presentations have addressed topics involving children and adolescents, parenting, resilience, relationships, family conflict, forensic psychology, public safety, psychological assessment, and mental health.
Dr. D’Arienzo has provided educational programs to parents, students, attorneys, schools, professional organizations, corporations, and public-safety audiences.
Parenting and Family Psychology Resources
D’Arienzo Psychology provides psychological services and educational resources for children, adults, couples, and families in Jacksonville, Florida and beyond.
Parents navigating separation or divorce can also review our Parent Education and Family Stabilization resources.
For additional information about psychological services or professional presentations, contact D’Arienzo Psychology at 904-379-8094.
This page provides general educational information and historical seminar materials. The 2016 presentation reflects the research and educational context in which it was originally presented. The page was updated in 2026 to provide additional context regarding resilience, grit, and subsequent research. These materials are not a substitute for individualized psychological assessment or treatment.
