Posted by: Dr. Justin D'Arienzo, Psy.D., ABPP
Are you recently engaged? Are you asking yourself, “Should I Be Getting Married?” Dr. D’Arienzo, Board Certified Clinical Psychologist and relationship expert here. Did you know that the holiday season is the busiest season for engagements. The month of December represents approximately 20% of them which is twice as many than occur during each of the summer months.
#ColdFeet #Engaged #ShouldIBeGettingMarried #Reservations #Weddings #Psychologist
Being that it’s early January and weddings are being planned and upon us, I figured I would share about two interesting predictive forces that lead to marital success. Although there are several other factors too. Both of these factors that I am writing about are similar in nature. The first is the more obvious and regards the level of excitement about the other person prior marrying. Those most excited about their partner are more likely to report greater satisfaction in the future. However those that are lukewarm or feel worse than lukewarm about their partner most often remain that way. These couples eventually die a slow or quick marital death. The bottom line is that if it’s not exciting in the beginning, excitement is not coming later. The lack of excitement scenario is commonly expressed when individuals seek guidance from a psychologist or counselor for premarital work. A lack of excitement from one or both parties is often an indicator of issues that need to be addressed immediately. When there is not mutual excitement, this is a major problem, and it is often difficult to force genuine and free flowing excitement.
The other less obvious factor is about getting cold feet or having reservations about marriage. This is really interesting because there are some gender differences. Most men have cold feet, and a man’s cold feet really don’t predict anything about the longevity or quality of the future relationship. On the other hand, when women get cold feet, those marriages most often don’t make it, but when women don’t have reservations there is a strong prediction of marital success.
So the best advice we can give to family and friends who are engaged or considering it, is letting them know that it is really important to be excited about the other person, that it’s normal for the guy to have reservations, and that it’s the woman’s state of reservations that is more of the barometer of future success. Although it’s important that both believe the other is amazing, she is the one that better really think he is spectacular. Happy New Year to all of you from D’Arienzo Psychology. We hope to help all of you have even better relationships this year!
See our future premarital microlearning site at StandardmicroLearning.com