Posted by: Dr. Justin D'Arienzo, Psy.D., ABPP
Gottman Couples Therapy Guide
Couples Therapy Handout 1 (Dr. John Gottman, 2011)
What is “Dysfunctional” in Relationships?
- More negativity than positivity
- Escalation of negative affect
- The 4 Horseman
- Emotional disengagement and withdrawal
- Failure of repair attempts
- Negative sentiment override
- Physiological Arousal
- Failure of men to accept influence
What is “Functional” When a Relationship Goes Well?
- Matched preferred conflict style
- Dialogue, not gridlock
- Successful repairs
- Turning toward, rather than turning away or against
- Positive affect…serves to down regulate negativity and soothe physiology
Eliminate the 4 Horseman and Replace with an Antidote
- Criticism—Gentle Start up
- Defensiveness—Taking responsibility
- Contempt—Build culture of appreciation
- Stonewalling—Self soothing
Improve Conflict Skills and Goals
- Soften Start-Up
- Accept Influence
- Make effective repairs during conflict
- De-escalate
- Compromise
- Physiological Soothing
Dr. D’Arienzo, Jacksonville, Florida couples therapist and clinical psychologist, utilizes Drs. John and Julie Gottman’s methods in couples counseling.